So sure I’ve been clean before but never this long!! This must be some personal record and definitely feels like one as I’ve experienced truly new things on this trip. So back to the old question do I miss smoking weed? Occasionally yes I do- I won’t lie there are times when for that I’m feeling smoking A FATTY usually is the perfect remedy and the right fix. That said unfortunately I went there and got the T-SHIRT and crossed over into the addict zone and by doing so crossed myself off the casual user list permanently. The funny thing is I still don’t know how to roll a joint properly, unlike so many of my fellow smokers, each joint I think subconsciously I role in a different way on purpose.
Being sober now what came back?
Firstly and for mostly let’s just go there I have my brain back and seeing my mental horse power return has really felt just fucking AWESOME! My memory recall is accurately on point, where I can CONFIDENTLY remember I left my keys I can easily recall dates to have any numbers such as times and the thing that most stands out are numbers/details aren’t blurry in my mind anymore – I believe many describe this as brain fog. I’m a lot more active now that I was before as for the obvious reason I am not constantly using a sedative in the high-volume every single evening. I.e. I wake up much easier in the morning almost like a PC start-up time if you wanna call it is much like Linux running on the SSD(Computer science joke apologies).
The myths
My mind isn’t as any less creative than it was before, if anything being high all the time was mearly my way of putting my brain into creative mode but just being stuck there and I’ll ultimately be unable to exit that mode and actually action any of the ideas that I had conceived. I walked closer and closer to the world of being a dreamer. Unfortunately my appetite is not as bad as it was before as back in the old days even though I was full to the brim being a high meant that I was able to continuously eat into the early hours of the morning this is not the case.
My society?
The last 10 to 15 years of my social activities have been based around weed smoking with smokers so my decision to quit ultimately was always going to have an impact on people around me. The first couple of weeks I isolated myself and didn’t attend usual friend sessions in the fear that I may break. However a month later I am more than happy to be around all my friends while they’re all smoking weed in ample amounts and not divulge in the activity myself. Sure while I’m there I smoke a tiny rolly of tobacco as a substitute however truth be told I never liked tobacco or cigarettes really hence the fear of becoming an addict of being a cigarette smoker was never really on the cards for these reasons. My social society adjusted to this change pretty quick and painless. I’ve been such a prolific and long term smoker I was worried that this may have been more of an issue here however none of these things were the case. To all my friends that wanna quit but can’t quit for they’re stuck in the same loop I was I hope the one day that they can find something strong enough to hold onto to allow them to let go of the stuff, because God knows it took me almost all of my adult life to do so.
Conclusion
So it’s been two months and 10 days and blah blah blah whatever the title says and I guess I’ve saved two things or three depending on how you wanna look at it.
Firstly – money. I was spending a fixed amount every week to purchase drugs, which I no longer do. I calculate that I have saved somewhere near £300-400 on just buying weed alone and that’s not including tobacco cost which would take the total the up higher.
Secondly – time. As soon as I would get high likelihood of being productive would drop to somewhere between 5 to 10% as I would be blissful sedated and extremely docile. Once in that state I couldn’t be bothered to do anything and I would much rather sit and dream about things I was going to do however the sad reality would be that hardly any of those things that I would dream would actually come to fruition.
Thirdly – my life. Like I said this one is subjective and more or less a combination of the other elements. It seems too important just to not discuss this regardless as ever since quitting and going clean my productivity has shot up somewhere near the 60 to 70% mark and changes are happening right in front of my eyes with little to no effort. It seems apparent now that weed was my jailer for very many years!!! A jail where I voluntarily opted to stay in . As a musician I just dreamt of new concepts and never implemented them. As a human being my goals in life and objective as the days went on turned more and more into a pipe dreams and as time went on I lose faith in the reality of it all.
Do I miss smoking weed? The feelings of being high is amazing and undisputedly beautiful and for this reasons we choose to stay in this jail cos it’s nice and peaceful there, trouble free… What weed give you is truly magnificent, however what it slowly siphons away from you is your life in return.
