So you’ve been to your local head shop and boy you went all out!! You not only bought a funky grinder with Amsterdam 420 written on it but you got yourself a vapouriser, a colourful bong and even large rips to enjoy your luscious weed!! Now the big problem …. Where do i get weed from? I need weed!!!! Indeed you do but as you scratch your head you wonder and try to hatch a plan that’ll end in success. So you grab your phone and start calling around. The problem here however is who to call / who to ask. Now if a weed smoker is known to you, all your problems should end right there but unfortunately life’s never that simple.
So your friend Jimi’s just passed on a number for a dealer he knows that he picks up the ganja locally with the implicit instructions to let the dealer know you’re “Jimi’s Mate!” So at this point this all sounds like a winner..you can almost taste the promised land right there!! however… you call the dealer, he picks up the phone and says “WHO DIS?” and as planned “I’m Jimi’s friend” you reply in your most COOLEST TONE! “What – Who Jimi?”. With things going off the script you quickly attempt to add description to his in the effort that the dealer will recognise your referral and thus legitimise your sale. From here onwards this can go either one of two ways with the dealer pretending to remember your friend, cos lets be honest all he really know about your buddy is his phone number and that’s about it! Soon following to which he concedes and deals you what you’re after. - Or Mr.Dealer telling you “Listen I I don’t know who gave you my number but I don’t know you, DON’T CALL ME!” It was so simple, yet you have failed in this task. You immediately text Jimi “He told me to not call him!!” Jimi’s with the world best intentions is a stoner and you not realising what that means yet won’t dawn on you that means you ain’t getting no weed today! “Next time, i’ll just go through Jimi!” Bring on WEED TAX!!!!!!
TRYING NOT TO OFFEND
Ultimately if you don’t know anybody that smokes weed you’re forced to believe that it’s merely a case that nobody has official announced themselves to you as a weed smoker, or perhaps the conversation hasn’t come up yet! There’s no way around this it’s time to start profiling your friends WHO DO I KNOW THAT LOOKS LIKE THEY SMOKE WEED?
The guy with the long hair
So you call up the your friend with the long hair, for you’re sure he does! “Hey mike, how’s it going man, I was wondering? Do you smoke Weed and if so can you sort me out?” This is pot luck as does Mike smoke weed? If he does is he gonna help you by supplying you with his dealers details? All these questions flooding into your mind at a thousand miles a second!! You both experience that really ackward moment, “errrr hey erm, i don’t really smoke man. Can I ask what made you think of me?” Shit he’s offended.. your cover has been totally blown, you can’t tell him the truth you’ll sound retarded! Anyway… you politely make up some bullshit and end the call as soon as you can!
Your Black Friend
Now that plan didn’t work you didn’t want to admit it, but you call the guy you initially thought of, that’s right your friend Tyrone – who just coincidentally happens to be black! Now this isn’t only racial sterotyping / racist in all of it’s undertones but just WRONG!! For it’s T.V. and society that makes you believe these stereotypes because in real life everybody does it regardless of their skin! Tyrone answers the phone… you’re nervous, and he can hear it.. “errr hey” .. You think to yourself have you ever addressed anybody with “err hey!” you quickly conclude not. “Dude, do you smoke weed?” you ask him.. “What?” he replies. “.. I mean, Ganja, you know marijuana, cannabis!!” Why am going through all the names, he understood the question I just don’t want to be racist, i’m not racist, i love BLACK PEOPLE!! ok that’s not true, as i love black people as much as i do white, black or orange people I dunno what i’m saying!!! “Do i smoke weed?” he repeats the question. “I have smoked weed yeah, what? or why do you wanna know?” he replied. Phewwww… you’re happier as the conversation is going the right way now “it’s cos I need some, can you get me marijuana?” you tell him. He politely declines and you don’t force the issue either but instead like before get out of that conversation as quickly as you can “sorry dude, my phones ringing” realising the stupidity of what you’ve just said, you just hang up! In your mind you plan if you see him again, you’ll just tell him that you were drunk or like fucked in some way.
Your friend that hasn’t had a job for over 5 years.
I think by now you appreciate that this isn’t gonna go easy, and you’re gonna fuck this up one way or another, either that or you’re just not very good at asking or just generally talking to people! So you phone up Tim and just tell him. “Dude, I’m really desperate to trying to hold of some weed! Please tell me that you know where or somebody that can help me pick up!” “Dude, I appreciate your problem, but I’m really sorry I quit years ago.. What made you think of me?” he replies.. “ahhhhhh nothing!!!!!, errrr you know just asking anybody, no reason hehheeh, you know how it is” you nervously say. You don’t wanna tell him it’s cos you think he’s a jobless bum but somehow you just know that he’s read your mind on that.
ASKING RANDOM PEOPLE IN TOWN
Your desperation has lead to some un-endless bound you finally hit the streets for inspiration to solve this problem. Right!!! This should be a lot easier as these people don’t know me, and if they get offended , it’s cool cos they don’t know me!! However the execution of this becomes alot more difficult than you initially suspected with half the people you call out (again on the criterion of “who looks like a doped up motherfucka!”) just walk past to you once getting their attention, believing that you’re gonna ask for road directions bust but instead you bust out “DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME WEED!!!” They look at you, and just walk away, “fucking weirdo!”. Hmm that didnt work!!
In short we conclude this, by really appreciating that the herb that we so seek, unless you live in Amsterdam or Cali, is ILLEGAL! & that’s about it. Dealers are taking big risks by selling weed and if they don’t think you add up, they don’t need to risk selling to you. If you really don’t have any friends that can point you in the right directions with some contacts just going around asking random people could get you into so much bullshit with the most randomest people. Not just that, the stuff you eventually pick up probably won’t be even be that good.