THEY WERE ALL SO HAPPY – WHAT HAPPENED?
So many ask me “Where have you been, I’ve been reading your BLOG!! Guess you didn’t quit then ay?” shortly followed by “D’ya wanna pick up?” Other reasons for my disappearance is well I just haven’t found time to blog about this like I did last year. I’ll square up with you however, I have been smoking weed in-between this massive gap of non blogging, and well I wouldn’t be lying if i said it feels like i’m starting from the beginning because it really does. On my current form I need to buy HOWiDidn’Tquit.Com and start writing there. Yeap 2012 certainly did bring change as unlike the final months of 2011 I started up smoking again! Ground HOG FUCKING DAY here we go!
TAKING ADVISE FROM THE WRONG PEOPLE
I warn you most things i’ll say in this blog will be pretty fucking obvious right up until the moment I explain it to you. However not before then as the wood won’t be distinguishable from the trees, but try telling that to the I TOLD YOU SO crew. meaning? I’ll get to that later. Anyway…. Taking advise from the wrong people! So I talked about how I wanted to be able to smoke now and again, and people listened gave me their opinions! & for that I appreciate it much, however it never occurred to me at the time that only weed smokers would be reading this blog and only they would have an opinion based on experience. i.e. I never actually once spoke to a sober guy and exchanged views from somebody from the “OTHER SIDE”. Resulting in, 99% shift towards the opinion that “yeah yeah, you should be able to be a normal weed smoker, once you’ve been a JUNKIE/ADDICT” Everybody was saying it, and the more I was hearing it, I was LOVING IT!! YEAHHH!!! YEAHHH!!! YEAHHH!!! – TITTTIES!!! Sorry I had to break that yeah cycle!! This all seems like bullshit right now.
SUMMARY OF ALL SUMMARIES
Lemme recap for you all…. I quit smoking weed, started a blog, wrote about this shit… didn’t smoke for about 50 days till I got this DUmBa$$ idea that I should try a bit of weed and slowly program myself to be an occasionally smoker!! Now that ladies and gentlemen is pretty dumb!! I spent the morning reading this blog and i’ve relived this whole epic journey, and I feel however stupid breaking the quitting chain was, I gotta say it was people around me who’d built their hopes and dreams on me “QUITTING FOREVER!!” that shared a lot of the responsibility of me going back. “Oh yeah yeah bLAME everybody else but yourself” <— absolutely not.I quit the smoking weed for myself as I MYSELF realised that I was smoking the shit too much! I did this whole process myself, however due to the public nature of the blog, people joined on and long before I knew it, I was doing it for other people. I really don’t want to blame anybody else for my misfailings so i’ll say that even that was a learning curve and reading back has just been great!
AND PEOPLE AROUND ME ?
For a short while I stood for something and I felt it. Things I talked about were directly at the heart of how I felt about weed related stories. Post blog people in my life had their comments, mostly positive however a few individuals thought I was writing about them and in doing so I actually exposed some TOPLOADERS which was quite hilarious! Alas it didn’t matter because as I rejoined the smoking world back came all my friends, back came all those good times that I was excluded from when I went tee total. Sarcasm removed for a second, I must hand on heart admit. Weed takes more than it gives back and I know this before I say what I say… but getting high isn’t a bad thing! It really isn’t for the benefits if harnessed properly are powerful!! I called myself stupid before and damn right I am for opening my smoking account again, regardless though I cannot deny that while being high I came up with lots of alternative solutions to problems I didn’t have the foggiest about resolving. In the end that’s the ONLY really true positive I can get from the smoking weed, otherwise I feel smoking weed regularly takes more from your life than it gives back!
THE COMEDOWN OF WEED
Many you’ll speak to will say that there isn’t a comedown at all, many of these people being heroin addicts or Class A taking smack heads! FALSEHOOD: The comedown can often be very harsh being a very deeply physiological and extremely deceiving!! It’s not physical whatsoever and almost disguises itself into your normal daily emotions to a point where you can’t tell whether you’re actually down or the drug is inducing this feeling and thus the lines become blurry. Take a guess on how you can make it go away? YEAP!! SMOKE MOOO OF DAT SHHIIITTT!!! So that brings us to where I am now… Somehow I really gotta see out the next 14 days, where I MUST NOT SMOKE!! IF I CAN DO THAT, then I pretty much outta the woods… FAILED MISERABLY SO FAR, LETS SEE If things get better.
Yeap that’s right people I openly confess to you all now, that this whole “
O.K. so I was doing well… I quit, I struggled for the first week, and then I got cocky and fucked it all up. YEAP ladies and gentlemen FUCKED IT UP, but not all in vain..ok so I told you about 22November Right i.e the post below yeah… well that was good it was fucking great, i actually really loved getting high it was “LIKE A VIRGIN, touched for the very first time…. LIKE A VIRRRGIN” and all that again, absofuckinglutely sooo where did it, or I go wrong.. well?
ARGHHH!! I just forgot, got cocky, just thought I was stronger than it, I WAS WRONG!!! As soon as that cat gets one over you, YOU’RE FUCKED!!! cos the minute you start breaking, that cat knows he’s fucking got you!! it’s like the fucking DEVIL!!! Sure life hands you bad cards sometimes and you’re having a bad week/month blah blah whatever, however that isn’t an excuse to drop your guard… and with my guard went some many other things????
Well after that initial session, I didn’t smoke for a week… didn’t think much of it… & then the following week, I had a session with an old friend we caught up it was great also, was well overdue he and I.. however.. the next day is when it began. After a busy schedule, and hard in of work, we both decided we should treat ourself to some more weed, thus we proceeded and got some and “TREATED” ourselves. I’d caved, fallen over on a downhill slope, i didn’t realise how steep the hill was, but by the time I’d hit the bottom of the hill it was gonna hurt bad!! and indeed it did… OUCH! Oh yeah, i smoked again, and then again… & on realising I’d relapsed, i thought FUCK IT, lets smoke.. and que the good times.. JOKE!! far from it..
Even in failure there is so much to learn from!!! This week of sin of getting blasted of my balls, just throwing away money killing my health..i realised that WEED WANTS MORE WEED!!! i.e. when you’re high, you still wanna be high?? why I dunno, it just feels nice i guess.. whatever.. so you go to sleep WANKERED!!! and wake up still stoned…. remember the weed bonds to the cells in your blood, and doesn’t clear up to 30-40 days (i.e. that’s how strong, and now long that shit lasts) the likelihood is you’re still gonna be high the next day!! That’s what happens… You wake up and you’re still stoned, but you just don’t really realise it.. a weed hangover is very different from a drinking one!! During the weedhangover the mistake, the big mistake is to listen to the annoying cat, give in and SMOKE THAT SHIIIIITTT again… cos once you do… you’re trapped again.. it’s almost like your words, discipline means nothing!
As I wrote in my previous article “
The quantity of weed that goes into each spliff is almost as much a social decision as a personal one. Evidence of this is when you’ll get among your trusted smoking possie and roll a bad boy! Now if your bad boy spliff potency falls beneath the socially defined one expect it to do 50 laps of the German Nurnberg circuit! – i.e. that bad boy’s gonna go around and around being passed from person to person for NOBODY wants to smoke it!
communally sharing the spoils, after one spliff has gone round…if a person then decided to use a large percentage of the remaining weed for a super size me joint …. effectively killing off the whole amount in under 2 spliffs – this is UNCOOL and will have you frowned upon. Pretty much a no-brainer you’d think! but when drug addiction / weed / mind altering substances get involved I don’t think there is such a thing as a no-brainer! So I recall a friend we’d call when our regular dealer/s would fall through. After driving down there, the dude would jump into the car, phone one of his BADMAN guys in the local area and we’d go get the stuff! Being an untried & untested source we’d pick up a nominal amount like a £10 bag if possible.. Everything would be fine regarding this arrangement, and we’d agree to having a spliff before parting ways!!! Sounds alright!! He’d then always insist to roll the spliff, again seemingly harmless….. harmless until he’d produce the spliff that is!! & fair enough the spliff he’d make would look magnificent, BIGGG PACKKKKED TO THE BRIM with WEED, but hold on.. HE didn’t just use over 70% of the already UNDER WEIGHTED £10 Bag in that spliff right? .. as he returns the depleted bag of weed you soon enough realise.. yes he has!
You’ll know you’ve met 
Exactly that! – the toploaded spliff will have significantly more weed at the top (tip) of the spliff as to allow the person igniting it to get significantly more higher than anyone who will eventually smoke this spliff. With exception to when it’s the roller’s own personal weed being used in the spliff, if it’s communal weed, this tactic is disgraceful and is extremely shunned upon by the the majority of the weed smoking community. People whom mix the weed and tobacco before rolling the spliff lessen the chances of being accused in this way. Google references quote some people alternatively deal with this issue by electing the person to the immediate left or right to ignite the spliff. However it’s usually fairly easy to spot toploading tactics, for if the spliff roller suspeciously holds onto the spliff for a good couple of minutes before passing it on, and then quite clearly is stoned off their balls, however nobody else is even remotely as high…… YOU’VE BEEN TOP LOADED!!
I’m sorry I couldn’t resist!! ohh yeah it’s that time baby!! . oh yes..the intimate part is upon us… que the porno saxophones, here we go….LICK LICK LICK LICK!!! our roller / love maker spends about 2 /3 minutes just licking that MOTHERFUCKA!!! hmmm yeah ladies, that’s right!!! he does…and if you wanna piece of him, well??? WELL just smoke some the spliff he’s rolled for us, for it’s drenched in so much of his saliva, for it’s as equivalent as having a FULL BLOWN GAY, MAN on MAN TONGUING SNOG!!!!! As for the Sticky strip??? details such of this doesn’t concern him.! didn’t even see it… he JUST LICK LICK AND LICK!!! !!! God forbid our SPLIFF LICKERRR ever be given the task of licking an envelope…some serious hair-dryer action would definitely be called into action before it went anywhere near that letterbox!!
Sounds like a football team, doesn’t it? Strangely however it isn’t far from it…. i.e.the fanzine aspect. If you were a huge Aston Villa FC fan and you travelled the world and met another individual equally as passionate for your football club as you, while talking about your team you’d immediately bond and build rapport around these foundations. (I’m a massive football fan so I’m compelled to use this analogy but it’s still true for any club, or supported follower fanbased organisation) The same is true for weed smokers, i.e. all people that smoke cannabis really have a mutual appreciation of a certain lifestyle that they’d had to have lived. I’m hesitating from saying all weed smokers get along, cos this clearly not true!! I’m shying away from making blanket statements, but generally however it is true most weed smokers, given a fair unbiased platform, will generally get on quite seamlessly, based on the premise that they have SHHMOKING WEED in common!
Equilibrium and balance is fundamental law to our universe, where there is one there is another, where there is matter there is dark matter, where there is negative there is positive, and so on etc. This law also applies very much so to smoking and the quitting of weed! i.e. in precisely the same way that smoking weed can unite groups of all diversities and backgrounds, quitting has the equal and opposite effect. It’s now been 33 days, and I regretfully say that since I went off the smoking grid I no longer am on their grid. Those individuals whom once I’d see more frequently than my own family members that I’d be living with now no trace…with some cases phone calls just not being returned for weeks, and still counting!! I mean how many unreturned miss calls does it take with good friends till it starts getting awkward? I don’t take it personally for I know who (or what) is at blame here – the cannabis.
Now this conversation happens, it does.. but the variations of the conversation all depend on who talking about it. For you’ll hear from almost everyone everywhere, unless you’re YOUNG and naive and it hasn’t quite yet dawned on you that most 24/7 regular weed smokers don’t really achieve much in life – quite simply cos they’re high and can’t be bothered to! Sorry guys, trust me I didn’t like hearing that either and rest assure I fought that argument like I was one of the Spartans from 300 till I realised I was deep denial!…I really hope and pray that one day you too come to this eye opening realisation, because it takes a really stupid person to actually believe that weed makes them cleverer!! or smoking dope is good for you!! yeap, well done!! 😀
“Hey you should really give that up, CAN’T YOU SEE what it’s doing to you?” at this point, you shuffle and avoid the conversation for you will lose – BADLY!! They’ve got you by the balls, and there isn’t a room for manoeuvring! My advice would be to RUN, and if that isn’t an option try and blank out their words with calming peaceful oceanic noises! This conversation every weed smoker out there has had to deal with at some point or another, and I’m sure there are numerous ways of seeing another day, smoking another spliff. To some this day marks a sign, almost a ritual that you can firmly announce yourself in the brotherhood of ADDICT congratulations you’ve done it!! However this day really marks the sign of disparity and distance that is now being created between you those that do smoke and those who don’t, & it’s a club that only club smokers are qualified to talk about else you’ll completely reject what they say.
“Dude, we should like really try quitting man.. just for little bit or something cos I can’t remember the last time I didn’t smoke a spliff!” .. “yeahhhhh” the other guy unconvincingly slurs out. Weed smokers will hear “the speech” internally from within their own circles and peers, and this conversation will usually be more detailed & truthful, and very closely resembles the honesty and frankness of those within weed quitting support groups! CATCH 22, the problem really is people have their internal natural callings to quit this addiction at different times! Now what this means is that only one out of the group of 5 weed smokers will want to quit at this particular time! Resulting in that isolated guy completely cracking, and caving in as nobody else has quit, and he knows a fat spliff is only a phone call away!! Additionally it’s interesting to note, when the person who’s caved in does re-join the collective, everybody will completely ignore the fact the previous day this fine gentlemen was exclaiming “That’s IT GUYS, i’m DONE, NOOO MORE WEED FOR ME!! HELL NO!!!! i can’t do this anymore!” This is quietly forgotten and not brought up in following conversations, almost as if it didn’t happen! as to why? well think of it like this… you never know when it’s your turn.