Now like myself I’m sure you’ve all smoked with different groups of people & so you’ll understand that there are many smoking norms, which are unspoken yet mutually understood by everybody. So you’ve gone four ways on some good shittttt, sounds alright!! … you all went down there and picked it up as a group, you had laughs, it was great for ultimately you knew inside you would be SMOKING some FIINNEE SHITTT later on…it was missions but you all did it..TOGETHER!!!! it was like an Indiana Jones style adventure, and you got the Jewels -HIGH 5 PEOPLE!!! —> FAST FORWARD… OKAY so you’re all smoking, but something just isn’t right…for the spliff doesn’t seem to have the same qualities of a boomerang, i.e. it’s just not coming back round!! SHAPAAAAZOOO you have bottleneck
among you!!! Now what this means is, somewhere along the line somebody just isn’t passing the joint, instead s/he’s taking masssive drags to the point where the spliff’s own structural integrity is now under threat and this person is just pretty much smoking that joint like it’s their own personal cigarette! … now added to this everybody is being ultra polite about it and not saying anything, cos in fear of sounding like a junkie! “HURRY MAN, i waNT mY FUCKKKINGGG wEEdDD man, huRrRAY before i dieee” so people let it go INITIALLY! The bottleneck dude shamelessly believes he’s got away with it and hence on the second rotation does the same again! This time somebody says something…
“dude, hurry up with that spliff man!” there’s immediate relief among the group, phew somebody said it before I was gonna..the bottlenecker has been EXPOSED!!! he looks back confused and blissfully unaware of this accusation??? …so on realising his game is up, takes a FINAL ENORMOUS JAW BREAKING DRAG, ALMOST SUCKING THE AIR OUT OF the ROOM!!!! People grabbing onto anything they can find, as to ensure they dont get sucked off their chair into the abyss!! ….he passes the spliff on. “sorry didn’t realise” he quietly mutters. It’s alright he’s SORRY HE DIDNT REALISE!!!! 😀 Now inevitably this isn’t true for when there is a bottlenecker among your group, every person there is silently aware of what’s going on and what they’re doing… again too polite to mention anything in fear of looking too desperate, plus HEYYY you’re all probably “high” as well!
Now most of the time, the bottlenecker will resume back to normal smoking behaviour for quite possibly it’s true,…i.e. it could have been an accidental breaking of smoking norms, HEY we’re ALL FUCKING HIGH afterall!!! whatever.. ABSOLUTELY, this is very plausible … Now its truly here at this point, which category the individual falls into. For we accept smoking etiquette is unspoken and difficult to gauge sometimes however the following occurs…. the individual who’d originally been called up on SPLIFF HOGGING, STUBBORNLY DEFIES and does it again!!
SPLIFF DELAYING TACTIC Number 18: THE 20th CENTURY FOX METHOD
However this time they’ve improved upon there initially efforts and attempt to distract the group with a very animated story, worthy of a 20th Century Fox sponsorship engrossing the audience just enough to keep the crowd from noticing the spliff clock upon them! This doesn’t actually work either for the individual has forgotten that however great and wonderful their 20th Century Fox Production story about what happened the other day may be, … somebody is still next in line to smoke the weed that they’ve rightfully paid for….. Now don’t get me wrong spliff delaying tactics can indeed work, but ultimately the spliff hogger/bottlenecker won’t know when to stop, and will keep doing it, till it’s mind-numbingly obvious what they’re doing… STOP IT!! YOU look stupid man, can’t you see this? but does he really care?? ….probably not as lets not forget getting high is one of the best methods of ignoring denial!! and thus the pattern will repeat probably on another evening / another time … This type of behaviour is very worrying for the underlying reasons why a person would go to such extremes tends to point to massively increased dependencies on the drug, and really should be the green light sign to quit smoking for that individual for it’s making them act, and behaviour in an antisocial and openly transparent despicable way.
Things to look out for…
When 8 of the 9 group members mutually decide, “Hey guys, lets 2 puff pass on this spliff !”
ALERT!!! ALERT !!! ALERT !!! BEWARE there’s A SPLIFF HOGGING BOTTLENECKING BASTARD among you!!
NOTE: I’ve just added Bottlenecker to Urban dictionary!!! I wonder if it possible to make this terminology popular!!
I remember when I was young, having my first experience of smoking weed it was fucking great!! I remember my friend and I doing a couple of lungs in some makeshift bottle-bag/bucket sawn off coke-bottle thing?? coughing our nuts off as we weren’t cigarette smokers..and then waiting for 20-30minutes we’d be pretty messed up, having tunnel vision, experiencing the rushes and joys of listening to music while high, and laughing our ASSES off! Good times, being happy and loving life – and weed was great man, it actually made us get HIGH! So surely that’s the definition of being “high”then, i.e. a drug that makes you happy… so HIGH meaning HAPPY makes sense grammatically!!
sense. He loaded it onto his iPhone 4 and started reading.. “Come BY my house… it should be come TO my house!”
Okay so it’s been 25 days now, and I know I know I probably shouldn’t be celebrating that I’m clear from danger just yet, but I have to say I do feel like I’ve broken some of the bad habits which is definitely a massive milestone for me!!! You gotta remember, i’ve tried soo many fucking times to quit and what usually happens is I stand there with my friends lamenting how weed has destroyed my life while actually smoking a packed spliff!!! At that point i decide and announce to my compadres that “guys, that’s it, this is gonna be my last spliff!, no more!” “I NEED THIS!!” I tell them, they quietly if more politely nod and agree thinking “yea sure, you’re gonna quit the same day I DO .. never!” grim? yeap, very … but that’s the thing about smoking weed habitually, it’s not exactly fun when you’re doing it everyday. It’s a mixture of a bad habit and a false sense of escapism in truth. The only time weed can be classified as escapism is when you go on holiday and smoke a spliff! or your first day in Amsterdam in your first coffee shop! – Then perhaps there’s an argument for that.
OK today was my friend’s girlfriend’s younger brother’s surprise birthday, phhhooo that was a mouthful. So we all went to their home and to be honest I didn’t really think about it before going as to many other things were on my mind at the time. Alright outside on their lovely balcony just chilling with some guys and everybody was smoking cigarettes and weed as you do .. Now one of the Birthday boys friends, from up north whom i didn’t know but had been talking to throughout the evening, just randomly passed me the spliff…
Eating when you are not hungry sounds about right?? When I read this description suddenly I laughed for not even GOD himself could speak words so true. Once upon a time, i was thin.. ok was never thin, but I certainly wasn’t a FAT ASS “ROBERT PAULSON” BITCH TITS MOFUCKA!! Ok i exagerate i aint got TITTIES just yet, but if i did it would be cos of the fucking weed! man i fucking love food as it isssss… now add the illogicalness of having the munchies and that’s some fUcKEdD UP COMBINATION!! Naturally everybody has a different reaction to the munchies, but in my personally experience the urban dictionary has it SPOT ON!!! So it’s like 11pm i’ve had dinner probably not even that long ago…so we pick up start getting high, and an hour later, somebody brings up foods? not even A THOUSAND WHORES OF BABYLON could detract or distract you from that BIG MAC!!! And the fuckas leave that shit open 24 hours a day, so they’ll get you.. you’ll fight it!! and ok you’ll win a few, but the house always wins!!! SEE WORDS OF A FATASS!!! I’m telling you i wouldn’t be surprised if those bastards were secretly underhandedly funding large cannabis drug cartels!!! lol
Again I make the disclaimer that this isn’t the case for all weed smokers, sure i’ve met many a dude or gyal who doesn’t feel like eating at all, they just don’t get the munchies, and fair play to them! <BASTARDS!!!> lol if that’s the case for you, i’m totally envious!!.cos personally the munchies have completely ruined me!! i was in good shape before i started caining 24/7, I used to work out, play football, squash!! no joke I was an active MOTHERFUCKA!!! but that green shit somehow manages to fuck it up… now i know it may seem like i’m blaming FAR to much on the weed, but if i got it into the STANDS of a court of LAW!! i’m pretty sure i’d be able to FUCK HIM UP!! on the grounds of .. YOU TOOK AWAY MY MOTIVATION AND SHAT ON IT – MOTHERFUCKA!!! lol hahah ok you may have started to realise that this is a sensitive topic for me!! 1-0 to the ganja, and that’s kinda one of the major reasons why i’ve quit smoking weed, cos it’s destroying my health!! 
NOw i’m not gay, but it’s like getting a 10” DILDO and fucking me up the ASS!!! i’m losing this one man!! enough ground to want to quit smoking weed yet?
So okay you’ve just picked up from your regular dealer, you examine how much you’ve got for the money as he hands it over.. “TRUST ME YEAH, it’s lykeee well good stuff yeah!!” He assures you almost justifing why it’s almost half the amount you should actually be getting. “cos it’s good stuff init!” I wanna beat these kinda guys up, GUYS? nah nah they’re all fucking kids. That’s like getting half an eaten pizza on your front door delivered from Pizza Hut…& the driver, still munching away, assuring you .. “nah nah, but yeah but it’s good tho… You’ll lyke it!”
you have the occasion where one of your close mates will decide to start dealing to everybody, this inevitably gets ugly as like friends do, “PAY YOU LATER” and ultimately defeats the entire purpose of the whole thing. It can work but more often than none doesn’t really work and most of the people end up in debt to that bloke hence they end up avoiding him i.e. failing out! Now this isn’t naturally always the case, a lot of people pay their way, but then a lot of people don’t also. The old attitude of what’s yours is mine kicks in specially when drugs are involved. Drugs fuck up people perceptions, it makes people do what they probably would never do in sober state.
During this time, i saw kilos and kilos pass through this business with different types of weed strands every time. Each weed being stronger and more fucked up than the next! On reflection this part of my life was messed up, the amounts I was smoking was wrong!! Additionally I had just gone and imported like a stupid amount of weed fair enough only down the country, but this was some serious shit now…. not like getting caught smoking a spliff or with a bit of weed on you by a policeman. NAh i remember we wrapped this over and over and over with cling film but it still STANK OUT the whole frigging car – a nervous trip down the M1 I assure you. Even though I was popular that summer lol, to call me a BAD INFLUENCE would had been an understatement. I sometimes wonder how different it would had been had these events not happened.
as humans travel the worlds to enrich our minds with deep experiences but ultimately isn’t it all just chemistry & electricity inside our brains! Hence I ask what’s the difference between finding pure harmony onlooking a beautiful waterfall or taking a few toaks from a spliff passed to you by your buddy on a gloomy afternoon on quiet street corner? Quite simply, one of them would wow your friends & family on Facebook while the other option tends to lead to introvertedness and ultimately walk the plank or path of slow death. Too extreme? Now at this point I must make a distinction and clarify that I don’t believe that smoking weed is a problem, it’s the fucking addiction part that’s the problem!
back to first principles, after all what’s the need to step into the Delorean accelerate to 88 MPH to go back in time, are the answers really there? By going back there will I learn anything useful that would help me quit this addiction bringing myself in line with everyone else? Maybe…. we’ll see…